Paranoia and Bullying

It’s been a while since I’ve last written on the blog. I took a break during this pandemic to center myself despite people all over the world panicking, including myself. I am grateful to be here, alive, today and be able to share my thoughts with all of you.

During my first university experience I had been severely bullied to a point where I couldn’t get out of my room because I felt most comfortable being alone. I had no interest in socialising or being in public places. Whenever I went out I had classes to attend but I always found my way back to my room again – comfortable in my loneliness.

I could barely walk to class without being mocked, stepped on or spit at. My self-esteem was dealt a lethal blow and I no longer knew who I was. My brain was pre-occupied with the voices of others projecting their opinions or speculating things I had never done or knew anything about. Things had turned for the worst when I got labelled a devil.

What hurt the most was the fact that I started being paranoid. Their voices were stuck with me wherever I went. Whenever I heard people laughing or conversing like people do and should about things that had nothing to do with me. I felt like I was being laughed at or hearing them gossiping about me.

I’ve been through counselling for years but I can’t shake this feeling of being a failure and being delusional. These feelings have stayed with me and are still with me. But I’m working my way up. Working to find myself again, bit by bit. Slowly but surely, I’ll get there.

Thank you for being with me. Let us rebuild a healthy state of mind.

Sending you Angel love and blessings.

Love, Francesca.

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