You Are the Master of Your Fate


One of the challenging aspects of living with Complex Trauma, sometimes coupled with other mental health issues, is having to deal with the inner voice or inner critic that gets left in one’s head after trauma.

Every person has negative thoughts once in a while but a person who has suffered trauma experiences this in higher levels than a normal person would. For a trauma survivor the abusers voice turns into their own inner critic. This often happens when the person survives psychological or spiritual abuse. This can pose as a hindrance in a person’s recovery after being traumatized. The only key to solving this, is through self care and reassurance from loved ones ( people we grow to trust when healing and can confide in when we are experiencing an inner turmoil).

Self care is not always about planning trips to the spa. Sometimes, it is about meal planning, going to bed early, going to the gym or letting go of a bad friend. It is forgiving yourself for not meeting your own impossible standards and understanding you are worthy despite it all. Self care is not about luxuries but a means for survival and an essential framework to keep a trauma survivor balanced. Without a self care framework trauma survivors often find themselves spiraling out of control and losing themselves. Not being able to function at work and school. Self care is a need, not only for trauma survivors but for all those suffering from mental health issues.

When I feel low and feel like a failure. I speak to myself and look myself in the mirror, at least twice a day. I very often recite a poem that I learnt from a friend of mine and recite it over and over again. Many of you might have heard of the famous poem but I would like to share it with you. It’s a poem by William Ernest Henley, which inspired the movie Invictus. It goes…


by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

      Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

      I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeoning of chance

      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

      Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

      How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul.

I always recite this every morning before I work. I recite this when I’m in doubt or when my inner critic is extremely negative. It is also very critical for people to have a support system. This is especially hard when one has issues establishing boundaries (it is very common for people with complex trauma to establish very poor boundaries or suffocating boundaries often leading them to isolation).

The main point is to challenge the inner critic whenever it attacks you. The point is not to be overly positive but to work your way to changing your pessimism that been brought by the trauma with a bit of optimism.

The brain has tremendous capacity to change – Tanja Windegger

Thank you you for being with me.

I look forward to seeing you here. Let us rebuild a healthy state of mind.



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